Just wanted to run the first draft by you guys to see what you think. I would really, really appreciate any comments, criticism, or suggestions.


If My Heart was a Battlefield, It'd be Bastogne

So cold, so cold,
Falling asleep is the hardest thing to do.
I'm trying not to think too much,
But tonight I can't help but think of you.

I miss you so much, my dear,
I can't wait to see your face again.
I'll wait here facing death until,
I can hear you speak my name again.

If I make it out alive will you be there waiting?
Keeping me alive with your endless breathing?
Will you tell me that you love me,
Tell me that you love me again?

So cold, so cold,
All these explosions will never warm my heart.
Darling, I know you don't care now,
Did you ever even care from the start?

I'm falling into these thoughts,
Where you are perfect to me.
Why must you shatter these thoughts?
Why won't you leave me be?

If I make it out alive, I'll leave you waiting,
I'm sick of hanging on your every feeling,
Don't you dare tell me that you love me,
Don't you ever tell me lies like that again.

Goodbye, goodbye,
I'm staring, missing, seething.
Goodbye, goodbye,
I'm screaming, starving, freezing.

Okay, after a little thought, I figured I'd go with a less emo, more interesting approach. I edited a good old song of mine to make it shorter and changed a few lines, and this is what I came up with. I would appreciate it if you guys would let me know which one would be better for the contest.

Kiss and Tell

Young, in love, we can't be stopped,
Forget your friends, this can't be topped.
So here we are in wonderland,
I'll kiss your head if you'll hold my hand.
There's monsters all around,
We'll travel underground.
We can justify this sin,
We're in love, it'll never end!

Let's dance to the tune of ten thousand explosions!
Let's kiss to the sight of one million convulsions!
Tell me that you'll tell them all,
And when you get home, give him a call.
Here I go again, dreaming of scarecrows,
The ravens own the field and nobody knows.
I consulted my lucky eight ball, to my surprise,
It told me all you say is lies.

Sing to me, crocodile, I want it that way!
Someone dipped the wine where we go to pray.
They told me the glove don't fit,
But her slipper is what I don't get.
Choke on the fossils, my love,
I'm ruining your money from above.
One last blanket of snow white blood,
Just don't tell them about the mud.
Someone warned me about this hell,
But I prefer to kiss and tell.

Niiiiice. That's a very nice piece'a work right there. You are an excellent writer. I can't find anything wrong with this latest draft.

-Bb5